Australia.

He blinked.

A moment felt like its been forever in a spiral of high magnitude.

A life of consistent ups and downs.

Knowingly he left deep memories and attachment to everything, everyone in Australia.

And onward to another chapter in his life, back in Malaysia.

This Sunday, due to leave the country, and begone from its doorstep.

Now there were two.

They gave their handshakes, their goodbyes.
Their time together was well spent, like the 3 Musketeers.

Saying goodbye to a lifelong friend was nerve wrecking, abysmal emotions.
The crazy Indonesian left and parted ways, to be with their own futures.
As he stood in line before flying off into the Rising Sun.

And then.
Now.
There were two.

Lifeless room.

A lifeless room.

He scurried to pack his belongings into makeshift cardboard boxes.

To be sent home.

His 4 year humble little room, has done its job.

And now, half empty and degraded.

The posters gone, the pictures taken down.
The air became stale.

He wondered if this was the right choice.

Judgement

The verdict?

To move on from Australia.

Where nothing seems to be laid for him in pieces.

And to go back to his country.

Missing piece.

There's many things that he'd want to do.

Many things he'll be doing.

Many of these doings include her in his life.

As he searched for the missing piece.
Wavering like a shooting star.
Undecided on its destination towards its descent towards Earth.

He misses her dearly...not wanting to lose sight of her.
The loss of her warmth and sorrow would be another terrible blow.

Heartfelt.

Her distance did not stop her from loving him.

He, grew deeper into a worrying state...

What if her heart strays again?

He, trying his best to reestablish and remake what was lost.
And in hopes to tie their hands for eternity.

And again...

And again, their hearts connected.

Their smiles were one again.

A miracle for him, and a reassurance for her.

Nervousness.

A week has passed since then.

His heart raced with time; his nervousness increased, as her heart was more susceptible to others.
Others who may lit her spark again...
But he has no control over her now...so he thinks.

Only by being beside her, was his only choice at this moment.

What have we done wrong...?

Her heart was more fragile than he thought...
Wondering if he did took care of her well...
If her feelings were what he thought of before.
His selfishness and childishness brought the demise.

Determined to bring her back...
An irreplaceable person, she was.
As she was the most meaningful thing that ever was in his life.

Bleached.

Just as he was overjoyed that his idiotic roommate leaving her nasty and disgusting attitude off the premises, she decided to stay just a bit longer, and at this time of writing, the big chested African lady still able to ruin everyone's lives by hosting another dirty party.

And this morning, M and the cleaning lady just cleaned and bleached the kitchen...only to be ransacked by the idiot right now. Her rants of her losing items was due to her inability to sort her items in the living room, looking like rubbish and not organised.

Serves her right.

The music blasted through his door, 10 times the volume than her previous parties.

And now, M rests his hopes on his noise cancelling earphones...and the comfort of his new game, Mechwarrior Online.

Follow my lead.

Sometimes he wishes that she had followed his lead, his words, his advices...at least to some extent.

Maybe he was selfish, maybe he was too greedy.
But he wants to have at least a standard for her, rather than a messy concussion of uncertain choices and untold emotions.
Wanting her to at least give some recognition, some thought to what he's trying to achieve for her.
Making her more radiant, more brighter than she could ever think of...but seemingly rejected.

Somehow, from here...his heart started aching blindly yet again.
Another attempt of finding itself out of a clear word of disappointment.
And he wondered why, as he stared blankly into an empty void.

Sydney Supanova.

And again, here he was.

Sydney.

A last week's memorable cosplay endeavors.
And he was content.

Sebastian Michaelis - Black Butler

As of late, his heart has been stagnantly ecstatic. 
Her love was genuine, and just from that he was able to move forward once more.
Pouring words, emotions laid beneath him.
The petals of distant memories fade, and encrusting themselves into a dying, wilting motion.

Plagued.

The week before brought M to an unknown place by himself.

Perth.

For the celebration of iiNet's Top Geek 2.0 Final 5, and a representative of the Top50 finalist. Meeting Australian's finest geeks, in an all out battle for the crown. And he didn't regret coming over.

But coming home, he was plagued by sickness, stopping his progress in doing strenuous actions and unable to socialise with anyone. It did not matter as Diablo III, the long awaited game from Blizzard, entered his arms few days later, to plague his life in legendary drops and endless left-clicking of the computer mouse.

And a week from then, still sick even.

Warmth.

His sight blurred, his mind blanketed out as a tiring day falls itself into M.
He nodded slowly, as he entered a frail state of a slow but diminishing dream.

The cold air breeze swept in from the near empty train, shivering thereafter.
But her warmth.
Her soothing and smooth hands gently pushed against his hands.
Grasping it softly and never letting go.
He smiled, ever so happy as the train slowly but eventually reaching the end of its destination.

January 2012

Unwanted attention.

Although this post isn't about M, he clearly needed somewhere to vent his expression.

His two friends, long lovers, ended their time together.
However, M felt their attention seeking break ups are just too absurd, too undesirable.
While others pray for their future and lives to be mended elsewhere, M thinks low of their antiques and misdirection of emotions towards the world.
Why be informative about a breakup?
Why would every post, every picture, every words related to each other?
Why would someone say, "I can be strong without you," clearly aimed at the other party?
Why tell the whole world, about it, where clearly it is a sensitive subject?


Just a facade, a hidden motive to hide their relentless emotions and desire for one other without any answer.

And M only hopes that it isn't the same for him.

Supanova Gold Coast.

The weekend before blossomed a natural phenomenon of the denizens of a widely known cultural pop event; Supanova.

And yet again, he attempted to stamp his way through the crowds and provide a loving entertainment for the many. But despite that, his costume, plagued with problems; broken staff, dismantled lights, sewing undone. And by the end, although it was a great day, M was slightly disappointed of the outcome of the costume that he loved so much; that he made with his friends, and especially her. It felt like her heart was with him throughout.

Croma Black Mage, Supanova Gold Coast 2012

Just recently, his best friend broke off a long standing relationship with his other half...and that drifted M's heart just a little bit.

So far, in his life, nothing really happens.
The days just grew by, the thorns outside the porch continues to grow.
His job search still unnerving, wavering.
And his heart remained dormant.

Encouragement.

The days grown by, where M has nothing to offer, nothing to do. His search for part time jobs are somewhat in vain, but full time jobs are aplenty.

Whilst all that, she gave him support.
Gave him encouragement.
Gave him what he needed so much in his life.
Someone to be there, someone that understood his lifeless being.

Her smile is the one you could call, hope.
Her guidance helped him grew.
M failing to realise even the slightest of mistakes, that she pointed out.
Thereafter, recuperating those misses by learning.
Both trying effortlessly, to provide a loving moment.
Each and every day.
And in the future, an eternity of adjoining hands and ties.

And to his past,

"You never did deserve me, ever. The shards you stepped on, you trampled upon, you played upon, I mended them myself. Wasting your entire life with pity, grief, selfishness, lies and an undecided future. A future that you never even thought of and a failure. Never again...you step foot into my shoes. A spawn of the dark, a devil, a thief and the worst. "

"Never again...."

Added flavour.

March 2012.

The first of many cosplay conventions entered his wake.
The time for him to decide on make up, presenting oneself and indulging himself into another world.
The world of cosplaying.
Yet again.

And he is content once more, taking the extra step, the increasing motive, and generating fuel for his passion in this one outstanding hobby.

It has been more than a month away from her.
His heart still connected with hers.
Adding flavours towards their lives together.
He misses her, dearly.

Other traces of his past, vanished into thin air.

A small future.

His visa progression was well underway, and may be so that he has a high chance of staying in Australia even longer.

Maybe a start of another future perhaps.
And she, telling him a week ago,

"...I will follow you wherever you feel most comfortable with..."

"...I want to stay with you..."

M appreciates that, very much.
Which the other failures, failed to realise his potential.

7-8.

That little restaurant, 7-8,  on the corner, creaks of silence.

The restaurant that welcomed him these past 4 years.
Gave him and his fellow friends a place of security, a place to rest their tired minds.
And the owners decided to close shop, revealing an empty piece in his heart.
His attachment was that of a safe haven.
Serenity.
A home.

With that, his emotional senses have come to a halt.
A lot of revering thoughts came into his mind.
His past haunted him...the lies of those that betrayed.
Failure to grasp his fragile heart.
Never once they clenched it tightly, listened to the same pulse.
Threw him away, like a rotten apple on the street.

He digressed.
Desperately trying to repent his sins.
And wanting the lies to be forgiven, but only to be met by failure.
The failure of the liars.

A closed legacy...

Bleak.

His future seems bleak...

And nowhere to turn to.
Where would he go in the next few years...?

A state of confusion.

Expressionless Void.

The announcement to board bellowed out in the airport that day.
Airplanes made their way through their gates, eager to accept the needy passengers traveling away.

And in the queue, a relatively new couple waiting to say goodbye.
Their hands are locked tightly, they made smiles to each other.
But his heart ached ever so much.
Seeing her leave his side.
She was strong.
But they can only look at each other that day.

The time slowed concurrently.
The air stood still.
Their hearts pointing, attracting one another.
Her expression, became void.
Her goodbye waves became smaller, shorter, slower.
And in a glimpse of an eye, he left Japan.